2018, now 2019

it’s been a while since i’ve written here. i’m not sure why i find it so difficult to write blog posts when i know there’s only 2 people who read this (including me). anyway, i thought it would be appropriate to write something now because it’s january and it’s a new year.

2018 was tough and a lot of it was my fault. i failed a lot, didn’t try hard enough, and didn’t do enough to make things better. i got rejected by so many companies for summer 2018 internships (namely microsoft and IBM, both of which i had a lot of hope for). i did terribly in many of my classes, did a lot of damage to my health through bad nutrition, and felt unfulfilled. but i also did manage to quit my job at starbucks and have more time to myself. i learned how to drive after 3 years of putting it off. i got a new job as a TA, and later as an instructor, for coding classes for middle school students. i also had another job in the fall where i mentored middle school students and helped them build an android game (but mostly just had fun joking around with them and learning about middle school culture). and later i got a few interviews/coding challenges for summer 2019 internships–ending in an internship offer given to me just last week.

lots of ups and downs. i’m not special in saying that. i know it happens to everyone and this isn’t anything new or exciting to read. it’s hard for me to write down my accomplishments without thinking about the better things others have done. i don’t want to be like this anymore.

in 2019 i want to use my bullet journal more and use my time as best as i can–i want to do things with intention. i want to rest because it’s good for me and i want to work on coding projects because it’s fun. i want to go to more places, floss my teeth more, probably lose 5 pounds, write in a diary again, and just feel better about myself. i want to not care about what others do or how they may or may not be better than i am because it!! does!! not!! matter!! i will eat food and not feel guilty and not work more hours a week than i am comfortable with. i do not want to be scared or unprepared when i live in nyc for the summer. i want to be better.


i graduated high school yesterday. like all of the other senior events, i didn’t really… feel it. i just wanted to leave. nevertheless, i guess this is a good time to reflect on what my high school life was like.


things i liked

  • making friends in robotics
  • learning in apcs (not being in apcs though)
  • learning physics for the first time (s/o to mr. cook for congratulating me last night)
  • HL MATH was really fun and difficult but that made it more fun. also really cool people in the class. this includes the other students, haha.
  • teaching at grl developers every friday
  • going to math team in the 11th grade
  • sitting alone at lunch doing math when i didn’t have friends

things i won’t miss

  • having bad grades all of the time!!
  • PE — the bane of my existence
  • not having friends
  • history notebook checks
  • feeling dumb in all of my classes (especially physics haha)

despite everyone saying it does, i don’t think high school will really prepare me for what’s next. i think maybe it’s because i didn’t take advantage of it as much and i’m plagued with this feeling with regret about high school. i’m afraid that it will repeat itself–that i’ll start off well and maybe not have any friends, then later i’ll be doing horribly and be barely able to save myself.

i can’t make predictions about it though, and i’d rather not think about school starting again in september. i’m not going to school today (i went yesterday though i wasn’t supposed to do so) and i’ve decided that this is my first day of summer break. i think i’m going to work on that programming stuff i’ve always wanted now.

goodbye high school, you kind of sucked sometimes but i guess you were okay a few times.